They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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