I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Randomize
