Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I FOUND THE LEGS
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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