Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
