Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
God I need to hump something, right now.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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