My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
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