nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
