Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
