This dress was meant to end up on your floor
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize
