i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
