so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
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