then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
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