I seem to have left my pride at pride
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
