Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
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