tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
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