Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
