It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Randomize
