He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Randomize
