You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Randomize
