you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
