Swine flu. Run for my life!
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Boobs are out for the taking
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
