I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize