i wish there were pregnant emoticons
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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