Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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