I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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