Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
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