Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
I think my fart just growled at me.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Randomize