turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
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