I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
