Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Randomize
