8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
