would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
