Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
