every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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