i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
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