Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Randomize
