Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
