You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
how does that bad decision feel?
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
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