i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Randomize
