i think i have herpe
just one?
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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