so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Randomize
