He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
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