you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize
