i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Randomize
