Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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