Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
