So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
