how hairy? two words: wookie tits
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
My life is pants optional.
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