I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Randomize
