In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Randomize
