we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
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