I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
