I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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