you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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