he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I'm gonna fight the coyote
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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