In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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