naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
Come see our sink grown plant.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
