Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
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