We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
