I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Randomize
