Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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