Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
