She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize