puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
