There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize
