So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Randomize
