walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
