Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
