Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
