Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
