I'm lost and stupid without you.
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
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