I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Randomize
